2012
Remember that time I did
Three things at once?
I had cancer,
I had a child,
I had an affair.
Are you impressed?
Multitasking is my forte after all.
We made all the preparations—
Not that you can ever be prepared
For something so big
To come along—
A bundle of joy,
A bundle of organs.
It so happens I was dying
Like when you’re giving birth.
It wasn’t pleasant like
The way they say it will be.
It’s not like I was pregnant anyway
The way a person might be who can know pleasure
Or who has an operable vagina
And a new life on the way
An exciting new life,
A romance—with a trauma victim.
There was a lot of nakedness that year
Without any of the sex.
A lot of changes
Occur in the body.
There are a lot of unpleasantries
That come with the territory.
Things no one warns you of;
Like the incontinence,
And the cravings,
And the fear.
It came time to be happy
When the shit hit the bag.
Remember when you touched my belly?
And then she arrived
And then he left?
I’ve still got marks from that.
You’re in pain too
Because of me—I see that
But I’m weighed down
With this prognosis
Of being responsible
For someone else’s well-being
While something grows inside me
Something with a life of its own
Don’t worry—as soon as I’m better
I’ll clear this out, I’ll fix you.
After all—
You are part of me
You came from my own DNA
You and I are like two mutated genes in a pod
With such potential for growth
Your recessive blue eyes
Glancing, terrified to ask,
Then demand I explain,
“How did we get here?”
Those same blue eyes
Are so familiar
Because the last time I saw them
One of us was dying,
And one of us was dying
But didn’t know it yet.
Well, here’s
One for you (my vagina),
One for you (my rectum),
One for you (my uterus).
Oh, it’s ok,
I didn’t need those anyway
Who needs non-functional organs
When dysfunction’s all you’ve got?
I think it turned out pretty well—
Are you impressed?
Multitasking is my forte,
As is painfully apparent.
I kept complete control
As it was coming out—
Out of the dark,
Out of my body,
And out of us.